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THE A-Z OF SELF ISOLATION


Somewhat naively, I held out the hope that writing about music might eventually lead to paid work. Then, in this imaginary scenario, that a regular column might materialise, a screenplay or two and even a novel. Well, you have to start somewhere so here is an attempt at topical humour coupled with the opportunity to discover words you might otherwise have not encountered. You may indeed require the assistance of Alexa or one of her mates or, failing that, a fast-acting sedative, as I proudly present The A-Z of Self Isolation.

A Aelf Isolation

The end of open-source blockchain networks as we know them.

B Bookshelf Isolation

Failing to admit that the only book you own is by E L James.

C Continental Shelf Isolation

Hiding in a diving bell yet close enough to shore to surface and order a takeaway.

D Delph Isolation

Training alone at Everton FC after all your team mates have caught the virus.

E Elf Isolation

What Santa might do if the virus is still around by Christmas.

F Foreself Isolation

Taking playing with yourself to extremes.

G Gandalf Isolation

Realising the police might stop you making An Unexpected Journey to buy Part 2 of The Hobbit.

H Hirself Isolation

A gender neutral means of ploughing your own furrow.

I Ice Shelf Isolation

A product of global warming.

J Jalfrezi Isolation

Finding that the ready meals section in Sainsburys has been decimated.

K Kliph Isolation

What happened when the drummer left The Flaming Lips in 2014.

L Leulf Isolation

Holing out in a San Diego forest.

M Magicelf Isolation

Avoiding short and weird persons or amazingly adorable, weird girls.

N Nonself Isolation

Just don’t come near me with that foreign body of yours.

O Oneself Isolation

What Prince Charles does.

P Polycell Isolation

Using the excuse that DIY stores are shut to avoid doing any home DIY.

Q Quelf Isolation

By which you drive yourself mad playing this board game you’ve never heard of on your own.

R Rabidelf Isolation

Delete all your followers while adopting the pose of a mature father figure who picks arguments with younger people online.

S Self Isolation

What you really, really want to do after wading through this list.

T Tibshelf Isolation

Journeying to a small Derbyshire village to escape the masses while avoiding police drones.

U Ulleskelf Isolation

Journeying to a small North Yorks village to escape… (yawn)

V Velf Isolation

What a Void Elf does to lie low during World of Warcraft.

W Wealth Isolation

What you might wish on the worst kind of capitalists.

X Xcel Isolation

Fairly easy right now while the Elmbridge Leisure Complex remains closed.

Y Yusuf Isolation

Learning the chords to Mr Islam’s entire repertoire on your own.

Z Zilch Isolation

Finally admitting that nothing beginning with a Z really rhymes that well.

There. Enriched your life with this knowledge has become. Thank you, Yoda.

FIFTY3 champions

outstanding new music

through Fifty3 Fridays and

occasional features 

 

Music is a great passion of mine. In my teenage years I was an avid record collector and concert goer. Stints as a booking agent, running folk clubs, promoting gigs and even a crack at artiste management followed. While it never became my main occupation, music was always on my personal radar.

 

In the past 15 years I have written for leading US music website  Consequence and breakthrough  site, BestNewBands. I am a judge for Glastonbury Festival's Emerging Talent Competition and have reviewed the festival for both sites. I am now pleased to curate my very own music site.

 

Nothing gives me greater pleasure than unearthing great, original new music and championing independent musicians. You’ll find many of them on this site alongside the occasional legend of times past and I hope they will bring  you as much joy as they give me.

Tony Hardy

UPCOMING GIGS 

 

Selected dates in the London area:

Tue 16 July: Griff, St John's Church, Kingston upon Thames

Wed 17 Jul: Squirrel Flower, The Lexington, London N1

Tue 23 July: Sabina Chantouria, The Bedford, Balham, London SW!`2

Wed 24 Jul: Coming Up Roses, The Social, London W1

Thu 1 Aug: 86TVs, St John's Church, Kingston upon Thames

banquetrecords.com: See the Events page for all live shows in Kingston

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